


Dear Armie

by lookingforatardis



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: 10 minute challenge, Angst, Letters, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 10:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14567043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookingforatardis/pseuds/lookingforatardis
Summary: I probably won't even send this.





	Dear Armie

_Dear Armie,_

I'm at an event laughing to myself because no one seems to care about us anymore. It's almost better that they stopped asking how I felt about working with you. It's almost better that the questions just… stopped, one day just stopped. I miss talking about you, of course I do. But it's safer.

I used to resent you, did you know that? Resent the spring in your step at events like these, the way your eyes caught on the light just right and how your voice flitted around the room, encompassing space in the way I never seem to. People would question the way we were around each other and I'd smile, take a note from you and actually prepare something to say so I didn't embarrass myself. I'd talk about the hours we spent watching tv, getting dinner, the times we visited one another.

I'd stay away from the time your hand pressed a little too hard into my hip, the moments we couldn't break eye contact, the days when I thought she'd see the way you looked at me and ask if something had happened. I think she probably did, that maybe your touch was revoked because of that, not just because of me.

I still feel the brush of your fingertips against my skin on the nights when the sun refuses to set before dessert has been had. I understand why you stopped, but there are days when I can't fight the tears remembering how you used to hold me.

Sometimes I think you don't even know what you did to me. That perhaps I was alone in this all along and you were simply running circles around my heart, unaware your actions caused the wires to fray in such a way they needed to be replaced. I needed you so much back then, but now I just want you.

The amount of times I've wondered if they all see it too, if they see the way you steal glances and lift boisterous laughter into the skies at stupid shit I've said. If they can see the emotion I wear too close to the surface, the emotion you hide deep down. I almost wish you'd stop looking, touching, calling. I almost wish you'd stop everything entirely.

Instead, you laugh and make light of something that leaves me breathless, my eyes caught on the ring you're not even wearing, her heart so steady in your hand that she doesn't question its absence. I probably shouldn't either. And yet… And yet I do.

I do because I love you, but you already know that, don't you?

I probably won't even send this. I never send these.

But I have to tell someone, even if that someone is you and you never hear what I have to say. So. This is it. I love you. Always have, always will. And I know that fucks all of this up but god damn it. I fucking love you.

And I think you might love me too.

Hell, maybe this time I will send it.

 

_**-T** _

 


End file.
